Teens From Good Homes Steal Girl Scout's Cookie Money

Well, I'm here sooner than expected. But I'm in SHOCK! I'm sharing a video with you today that completely blows me away and further confirms what is happening to our future.

Our young women are accepting a set of standards that are COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

I realize that these 2 teens are not necessarily typical of young women growing up today. But what many parents do not understand is, these ideas and values are far more accepted by kids now than adults are ready to believe.

"My daughter would never participate in..."

"My daughter is completely against..."

"My daughter says she will be a virgin when she gets married"

I've heard them all. I've heard them just days or weeks before I got the call for help with that same daughter who is now pregnant, in jail, on drugs, or the like.

We need to wake up. Our kids want to please us. They don't want to tell us things we don't want to hear.

We must provide a safe place for them. By that I don't just mean a safe home, I mean a safe set of ears. We must be consistent. We must listen from the heart, not just wait for our turn to lecture. We must set boundaries and stick to them. Most of all, we must love them no matter what.

Watch this 3 minute video and please take a minute to leave your comments in the comment section.


If you like this blog, please click the "digg" button at the top and use the "share" button. These actions will help us reach our goal of 1 Million Young Women in 2008.

Thank you for your time.

Blessings and Peace,
Heather Olson

Why Your Life's Purpose is Bogus...by Morgana Rae

Today I'm bringing in one of my mentors to share with you. I was reading her blog and I thought "my peeps would love this!" So I asked Morgana if I could share with you and she said yes. Please welcome my friend and mentor, Morgana Rae...

Why Your Life Purpose is Bogus

“You do not belong to you. You belong to the universe.”
-Buckminster Fuller

I’ve been finding myself in frequent conversations on the topic of life purpose, so it seems timely to address the subject here.

Every one is looking for their purpose. Must have a purpose! A story I often hear from motivational speakers is the story of Alice in Wonderland and Cheshire Cat. Alice stands at a crossroads and asks the cat which path she should take. He asks “Where are you going?” She says she doesn’t know. “Well then, it doesn’t really matter which path you take.”

People treat this story like it’s so profound, as if it’s evidence that you should know where you’re going. You MUST know where you’re going! Really?

I have a different take. It doesn’t really matter! It’s nice to know where you’re going. It’s far more pleasant to have a clear direction, but the odds are you’ll be getting lost along the way. Your life has its purpose, and this purpose expresses itself as you meander. The act of finding intermediary goals and getting into action will put you on the path of your larger purpose.

The only thing more painful than not knowing your life purpose is beating yourself up for not knowing your life purpose.

Even worse than that is to have personal development people telling you that you have to have a life purpose. Of course you has purpose, whether you see it or not.

Let’s cut the crap.
Your primary job in life: be happy. Happiness is not for the faint of heart. I’m not talking an “I got a Kindle!” happiness (though I’ll take it of you got it). What is the quality of happiness that doesn’t depend on changing circumstances?

If you can learn to be happy, then you will be a model and a teacher for others to be happy. And they will be models and teachers for others to be happy. If we could all be Buddhas for happiness and fulfillment, abundance and prosperity, imagine the possibilities for the world. It doesn’t really matter if you get an MBA or paint flower pots. Where is your joy? That is your purpose.

Goals and accomplishments are important. They give our lives direction, support us in our happiness. Like a finger that points to the moon but isn’t the moon itself, our goals point to something bigger: our desire to be fully realized, loved, valued, happy beings. The big cheese.

What do you desire? What would it take for you to be fully happy?

Notice what naysayer thoughts pop into your head when you think about getting your dreams fulfilled. We’ll call those thoughts your demons. Things to know about demons:

* Your demons show up when you care about something, so their presence can be a good clue that you’re on the right track.

* Demons represent a point of view, not THE TRUTH.

* If what they say doesn’t empower you, say “Thank you for sharing.” (Then give your demon a pat on the head and some apple juice and graham crackers–quiets them down. Sit him in a corner. Go back to your life. Repeat as necessary.)

Scary Gremlin Monster

Get back to what you love. Pursue goals. Pay attention to clues from the universe. That’s how you live on purpose.

MORGANA RAE is a Master Results Coach and the Money Magic Queen. Morgana guides entrepreneurs and small business owners to create a new relationship with money, to attract more than they chase, and to enjoy success without sacrificing their humanity. Get more FREE tips on creating ease, flow, and abundance at www.howtobeamoneymagnet.com.

How Much Bigger Could Your World Be?

Our world is as big or small as we allow it to be. The more we allow ourselves to learn and grow, the bigger our world becomes just as a crab or snail grows out of its shell and must get a new one. The Hermit Crab wonders around naked and vulnerable until he finds his new home. The blue crab regenerates a very soft shell and is at constant risk until that shell hardens, but he's grown.

Growth is uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. It's a good way to know we are moving forward. Be thankful for the discomfort. Find solace in memories of previous challenges that today are second nature.

One simple way to change your life and grow every day comes from the Real Life of Mr Rogers.

Fred Rogers was more than the children's icon many of us grew up with, he lived his life every day making the world genuinely better for others.

Read this excerpt from the article: 15 Reasons Mister Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever posted last year on mental_floss.com by Mangesh Hattikudur:

"6. He Was Genuinely Curious about Others
Mister Rogers was known as one of the toughest interviews because he’d often befriend reporters, asking them tons of questions, taking pictures of them, compiling an album for them at the end of their time together, and calling them after to check in on them and hear about their families. He wasn’t concerned with himself, and genuinely loved hearing the life stories of others. Amazingly, it wasn’t just with reporters. Once, on a fancy trip up to a PBS exec’s house, he heard the limo driver was going to wait outside for 2 hours, so he insisted the driver come in and join them (which flustered the host). On the way back, Rogers sat up front, and when he learned that they were passing the driver’s home on the way, he asked if they could stop in to meet his family. According to the driver, it was one of the best nights of his life—the house supposedly lit up when Rogers arrived, and he played jazz piano and bantered with them late into the night. Further, like with the reporters, Rogers sent him notes and kept in touch with the driver for the rest of his life."

Can you see how much richer Fred Rogers' life was for really living it as a servant to his fellow man? Can you see how much brighter the world shines for anyone whose life he touched?

My challenge for you today is just to think. Think about what it might feel like to offer your friendship and be a servant in your heart. Can you imagine how you would speak? With a Genuine Intent to Serve, you'd be complimentary and kind.

“Give and it shall be given unto you;...” (Luke 6: 38)

What kind thoughts can you bring up about yourself? If you were to practice at home with just you, how would that go? Look around you, is it pretty? Do you deserve to have pretty things around you? What are you wearing? Did you shower and get ready for the day even if you weren't going out? Did you make your bed?

You may wonder why these things matter...?

Self-Respect is one of the most highly violated rules for an empowered life. You cannot be of valued service to anyone if you treat yourself like garbage.

Spend $5 on some flowers at the grocery store. Prepare yourself every day as if you were the guest of honor. Pick up the clothes off the floor and the garbage from around the trash can.

Look yourself in the mirror and say aloud "I deserve this, I created this and it's mine. Only I can change any part of it and I can change it at will. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and prosper."

Once again, I thank you for your comments and if you like the post, please take a moment to bookmark it and share it with others.

In Peace, Love and Prosperity,
Heather Olson

Leaving A Legacy

Today is a sad day and a day of praise.

How can it be both?

Randy Pausch passed away today after fighting pancreatic cancer.

Oct. 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008

Randy lived his dreams. He knew what he wanted and continually worked with the Universal Laws to realize those dreams.

Many of you have already heard of Randy. He was on Oprah's show sharing his "Last Lecture". I've included it today, as he said more in those 11 minutes and 32 seconds than I can offer today.

So today I am sad and also full of praise. The loss of such a great man is painful to his wife, 3 children and their family. It's sad to those whose lives he touched. I am full of praise to have been reminded of such a great and powerful lesson.

Fill you life with Joy, Peace and Love. Allow nothing else permission to gain access to your mind, heart and soul.

Be grateful everyday in every moment.

Learn the lessons put before you, and be thankful for them. Change is uncomfortable. They call them "growing pains" for a reason. Of course we all know we must grow, for if we are not growing, we are dying. Be full of praise in all that you do.

In Peace, Light, Joy and Prosperity. God Bless You,

Heather Olson

Watch this powerful 11 min 32 second video of Randy Pausch's Last Lecture: http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

It's All In What We Do With It.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou

Dr. Angelou got me thinking. We've talked about this topic before and it's a very important one.

I was on a conference call the other night with 2 amazing presenters. One concept that I got from the 90 min call was, It's not "How" to do any given thing, It's understanding the "Way".

On the surface that seems a bit tough to swallow. Understanding the "Way" is moving forward in Faith. Another quote that caught my attention was from Raymond Holliwell, author of "Working With The Law, 11 Truth Principles For Successful Living"; He said quote:

"True desire represents the urge of life seeking a fuller expression and is kept alive by continuous expectation of fulfillment.
It brings to us the ways and the means for its manifestation.
The principle explains that no desire is felt within the human being until the supply is ready to appear and that no person can be conscious of a desire or any need unless the possibility of its fulfillment already exists."

Wow. I could reread that paragraph all day. I have desires, real desires. And to think that given this statement, the possibility of the fulfillment of any and all of my desires already exists.

One desire that I have shared with all of you is to reach 1 Million young women by the end of this year. I was asked today if that meant I expected to sell 1 Million copies of the "Empowered For Life" curriculum... well, I wouldn't turn it down, ☺ but what it means is, those that can bring the program into their home will start a new language amongst parents and daughters. That language will start to spread into schools and gathering sites. When kids and parents start communicating on the same page, turmoil and hostility evaporate.

Even if a copy of the Free CD overview gets spread to 1 Million girls, I'll have accomplished my goal without selling a single copy of the program. (the website is under construction and should be up in about a week)

Returning to topic.

What exactly do we Do With It?
You've all heard me say: Thoughts are Things. If we sit in the dark and complain silently to ourselves, we are in reality, yelling to the universe. We are screaming out, "Rain on my parade! Please!"

What you do with it is, challenge your thoughts. When a negative thought creeps into your mind, simply examine it at first. Don't try to change or deny it. Simply ask it what its purpose is. Why are you here? How have you been of service to me in the past and does that service still apply? Consider how it may feel if just for a moment you felt different. "If I didn't feel that everything bad happens to me, what would that be like? Am I willing to try it just for a moment?"

Start a journal of your thoughts. From the front toward the back, on the right side pages, write down your positive thoughts. Flip the book over now and open from the back. (because it's upside down and backwards you will still be writing on the right side pages, but they will be opposite to the others) This is where your negative thoughts go.

I hope you will find that even if it starts with the negatives getting a head start, your mind will see the competition and the positive thoughts will take over. It can be fun and very liberating.

Please share your thoughts and experiences with your journal. If you'd like to be quoted on the website, send me an email or comment here.

In Peace and Prosperity, Love and Hope,

Blessings to you all,
Heather Olson

The Gift of The Present

The Gift of The Present

This is not in any way a new concept. The idea was presented beautifully in the book “The Present” by Spencer Johnson, MD.

What exists is Right Now. Not 10 minutes ago or 10 minutes in the future. Just Now.

This is a simple concept that baffles nearly 100% of the population. Right Now, I’m fine. My kids are healthy, I am healthy, No one has a gun to my head. I’m fine.

So what’s the point? Good question. The point is simply that the past does not exist outside of our mind. The fear of the future has only the power we give it.

Our previous experiences can serve us or enslave us. If we identify with what happened in the past, ie: I am an incest survivor, I am a Katrina survivor, I am a flood victim, I am a… whatever applies, we empower a non existent illusion. The only power any past event in our lives can have is the power we give it. Don’t get me wrong. I believe we can and should learn from the events in our lives. I just don’t think we should allow those events to control us.

The future is no different. Today my outlook may be: “How will I put food on the table tomorrow?” or “I’m stuck in this crappy little house with a control freak running the show and I see no way out.” These thoughts reek havoc in our lives and control our thoughts. They also by their energetic nature invite like energy creating outcomes that match the current events. We get more of what we don’t want.

Well, that’s all well and good, but how do we break the cycle? Another great question. It’s not easy. I struggle with it every day. I regret things I’ve done. I fear tomorrow. I cringe over pretty much anything and everything that I cannot personally influence. (yes I get that that makes me a control freak myself) Ha ha.

The best answer I have come across is in the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Dr. Stephen Covey. Not an easy read, very chewy but fantastic.

The first time I read it was about 20 years ago. I’ve picked it up at least once a year since. There are many points that are covered and I recommend reading the book for yourself, but for this essay I want to look at “The Circle of Concern” vs “ The Circle of Influence”.

Dr Covey’s point is quite simple. Focus your energy on things you can influence. Stay clear of those you cannot. Simple.

If your actions cannot directly affect the war in Iraq or hunger in Africa, or closer to home like the behavior of another person, quit trying. You have no influence. All you are doing is creating pain for yourself.

I tell my children when they are upset that someone said they were “mean” or “yucky” or whatever children say to each other, “The only person thinking about this right now is you. Therefore, the only person feeling bad is you. Only you can change how you feel. Only you have control over you.”

Good advice. (especially for me) I don’t like it when I feel that I’ve caused someone pain or ill feelings. I get that. I must maintain that I am the only person that can affect how I feel. What thoughts, good or bad, that occur in my head are solely my responsibility. Mine alone. No one can make you happy. No one can make you mad. No one but you.

Chewy stuff. Think for a moment about what’s happening this instant. Think about the smells, the sounds. What can you look at in your life, even just for a moment, that is good. What are you grateful for. Believe in that.

Choose to invite positive thoughts and share them with others. They are contagious. Not everyone will accept your gift. All gifts belong to the giver until they are accepted by the recipient.

Be generous with your gifts. Don’t accept gifts that don’t serve you.

Be Well. Be Abundant and Be Prosperous.

Blessing to you and yours,

Heather Olson

Crazy Times

Well, It's been crazy here lately. Nothing new, just a bit of turbo-crazy. I've been away from my blog for way too long.

I am very blessed to be surrounded by writers and my father has come to my rescue again. He's a thoughtful man and has so much to offer. Today he has some thoughts from a recent seniors meeting where young people were invited in for discussion.

Here are his comments:

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’ OR ARE THEY?

This morning I attended my Thursday morning discussion group. It is a group of senior citizens who get together weekly to solve the problems of the world. This morning we had a treat. There were five young people there to have an inter-generation discussion with the old folks. This essay is a composite of that discussion.

One of the youngsters was a member of the National Guard. He was in training to become a military policeman. He may well be on his way to the Middle East soon. Our discussion covered his opinion of his readiness for combat and his opinion of the war that is going on. I am pleased to report to you that with young men like him in our military service, our freedoms will continue to be secure.

A young lady was a senior in high school but has already completed one and a half years of college. She has been accepted by a famous eastern college to start her preparation for medical school. She intends to be a brain-surgeon. After visiting with her I decided if I needed any brain surgery I would wait for her to finish school. She was a very impressive young woman. We asked her opinion of our educational system. She opined that she was not challenged by her school work. Go figure.

Yet another young lady was preparing herself to be an elementary school teacher in Latin America while another was readying herself for a career as a dental hygienist. Our group of senior citizens was amazed by the quality of these youngsters. We asked them to ask us their questions.

The future brain surgeon wondered how she was going to pay for the education she was embarking upon. Her college will cost $60,000.00 per year and that doesn’t cover her medical school. Even with grants, she will still be in debt between $500,000 and a million dollars when she completes her schooling. Another wondered about paying into Social Security without any real chance of getting anything back. The conversation was mostly about superficial things however. We talked about the value of maintaining a good credit standing. We talked about saving money for retirement and other things. It was a great time.

So what does all this have to do with this blog? I will try to answer that question. The subject of grandparents came up. The question was asked by a senior citizen as to what did their grandparents have to do with their lives and choices. I hope some of you who read this blog are grandparents. All of these kids said their grandparents were a major influence in their lives. Their grandparents were their heroes. They valued their opinions and their experiences. They valued the lessons of life they had learned from them.

It is pretty easy to see that these young people are on their way to successful lives. One of the main differences between this group of kids and the ones you read about in the newspapers is, I believe, a close relationship with their grandparents. These young people are “Empowered for life”. If you are a youngster reading this, try to spend as much of your time as possible with your grandparents. They have so much to offer you. If you are a grandparent don’t underestimate your influence on your grandchildren. You have wisdom to share. You have experience to share. Even if you don’t live next door, you have gifts to offer and you know I am not talking about physical gifts. Give the gift of love and share your world with these young ones. Who knows someday one of them may be the surgeon who saves your life or mine.

The more things change the more they stay the same. Value your grandchildren and give them the opportunity to value you.

Ron Scarbro May 22, 2008

wisdomforliving: LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

wisdomforliving: LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

You Are Getting Exactly What You Are Looking For

Sitting in church this morning, I was struck by something the pastor said. He was comparing what he felt many churches focus their energy on to what he preaches and why he does. He said, "If we focus on how bad, wretched and sinful people are, what are you going to get more of?"

This is a sentiment I share in many ways. I tell the young women that I work with, "You are getting exactly what you are looking for." Our culture has somehow determined that when you are at work you should complain about home and when you are at home, you should complain about work. We look for the bad and find it every time. No wonder.

When we inspect someone's work, are we only looking for what they missed or did wrong? When your daughter sweeps the floor, do you find the one spot she missed? What are you looking for?

What about in your own life? Are you looking for prosperity or how bad life is. Do you talk about how hopeless things look or what possibilities are out there? Consider quietly and privately what you say to yourself and others. Consider what you seek in your thoughts and actions.

How do you speak about yourself? To yourself? To others about you? How do you respond to compliments? Could you handle being the center of applause? Do you deserve it? Only you can say "Yes".

Practice looking for what you really want. Take small steps. Congratulate yourself and others on partial successes. Catch your kids doing something right. It feels great and they tend to respond with more good choices.

Sometimes, almost right is perfect. Accept the blessing when you find a perfect parking spot or are offered a compliment. Say "Thank you". Say Thank you to God.

I wish you a blessed day and a prosperous week.

Heather Olson

Victim or Volunteer?

I was thinking about different ways to achieve my goal of reaching 1 Million Young Women in 2008. I started looking at different groups that work with young people. Again I am haunted by the overwhelming attention to victimhood. I may not be very popular in the Self-Help arena or the various groups set up for battered women because I strongly believe that the only person that stop people from hurting you IS YOU.

I love what Naomi Judd said: "I consider a turning point as that moment in which we make a conscious decision to expand or contract. We only get to be a victim once, and after that we're a volunteer."

So I'm often asked "How am I suppose to choose anything better? I have these kids to take care of on my own, I have no skills, etc..." I tell them first that if they continue to argue for their limitations, they get to keep them. The answer is first to choose something better. Stop making excuses. If you don't have a job or a way to take care of your children while you work, you will need to start looking for ways to earn a living from home or find an organization dedicated to helping young mothers that want to change their lives. The other obvious thing is to stop having children. This isn't the time to bring more babies into your life.

Young women often become pregnant not because they are unaware of the risks of unprotected sex, but the opposite. They think this loser is going to take care of them. I refer you to my previous post.

Take a trip to the local library. If you have children, take them to the children's area for some reading and puzzles etc. Jump on the computer there and search for organizations helping young people with the challenges you face.

Learn some skills. Read up while you are there. What really trips your trigger? What interests did you have before you felt out of control? Start with an idea, then let it grow. It will likely change many times before you land on something that you are truly called to.

Stay away from influences in your life that seem too good to be true. Stay away from friends that use drugs. Stay away from boys and sex. Clean yourself up. Clean your space up. Prove to yourself that you deserve good things. Don't go out and spend a bunch of money, just look around you. Does what you see belong in your new life?

Pick a role model. Someone you admire. Someone you respect. Stay away from the hot models, the rock stars with floss for clothes, and anyone who uses drugs. Pick someone who speaks clearly without using slang. Someone who dresses professionally or modestly. Someone with stated goals.

Now, compare your room/apartment with where your role model lives. Would you feel comfortable inviting that person to your space? If not, clean it up. How are you dressed? Would they wear what you are wearing? If not, change your clothes. For tips on shopping at thrift stores to save money and look fantastic, see my next blog.

Take control now. Make a choice to give up your habit of being a victim. Don't allow anything to happen "to" you anymore. Nothing can without your permission.

Be Well and Make a Great Life.
Heather Olson

Is it about Control?

I'm wondering today. Trying to understand what young girls really want, or think they want. Is it that they want to be completely taken care of by whomever volunteers? Or is it that they want more control in their lives and just don't understand the responsibility that comes with it?

I am baffled by the new meaning of PAM. It use to be a cooking spray that kept eggs from sticking. Not anymore. Now it stands for Pro Ana Mia, which translates to Pro- Anorexia, Bulimia. This movement is portraying these extremely fatal illnesses as a lifestyle not a disease. Are you kidding me?

This is why I ask the control question. During my adolescence, my best friend suffered from Bulimia. I wouldn't be surprised if she continued her battle today. She came to live with us at 17 when she could no longer live with either of her parents. I, of course, was completely on her side considering her parents unworthy and incapable of handling the tough stuff. It never occurred to me what my friend or her parents were really going through.

As an adult, I witnessed a family member face the disease with one of his daughters. I saw a father who was so lost, so distraught over the fact that he could not fix whatever was wrong. I saw a kid who was in control for the first time in her life (or so she thought). She had her parents, her sister and a barrage of health care professionals all under her thumb. All she had to do was eat or not eat. Of course the disease took over control and she spent many months in a hospital. She has recovered, her family has recovered, but the question is still poking at me. Why?

Is it our completely messed up view of beauty? And if we go down that road, the one that blames society, Hollywood, the Fashion industry etc, what does that say? If young women believe that's what it takes to land "Mr Right", then what?

Even if it were true, (and of course it's not or we'd be extinct) the implication is that these women only deserve a man that wants a decoration for his arm. Someone he can control. Control. There's that word again. Pro Ana Mia seems to be all about control, yet the paradox is that these girls have lost control of their whole world.

The biological reality is that men tend to be attracted to women who appear to be breedable. Men are wired in nature to propagate the species. They are likely to want mates that can help them fulfill their purpose. Women whose pelvic bones would likely break during childbirth, (assuming they could even become pregnant, which is unlikely) are not candidates for breeding. In nature, it is the male's job to breed and the female's job to choose a strong male to protect her and her young as she raises them.

The men Don't do the choosing. We do. That's right. It's up to women to choose a good mate. It's up to women to find strong, successful men who are likely to be able to support and protect a family. Choosing losers creates a new generation of losers.

What our young ladies need to be taught is NOT how to puke themselves into size 0, but indeed how to stand on their own, unassisted by men. Self-sufficient until someone comes along who truly qualifies to be her mate, and only then if she is interested in having one.

Our daughters need the skills to live on their own. They need the confidence that only comes from independence. They need to know exactly how to kick the ever-loving crap out of anyone who threatens them. If they never raise a fist (gun, pepper spray, etc...) but have the knowledge and confidence from proper training, they will not attract predators.

Confident young women, who are busy with their own lives, content and somewhat disinterested in relationships, are attractive to successful men.

That kind of beauty is the kind that can change the world.

What kind of input do the young women in your life have? Are they more interested in romance novels, chick flicks and the latest diet and fashions? Or are they interested in learning about what really makes them tick? What kind of music does she like? What are the messages from TV, Friends, School? What about from you?

If your life is controlled by anything or anyone other than you, that is what you are teaching her.

My challenge for you today is to take a look, an honest look at yourself, your daughter, her friends and her interests. Then ask her about them. Ask for her thoughts. Don't judge, just listen.

Please write me with your thoughts and comments.

Be well and prosperous.

Heather Olson

Is Happiness What You Expect?

Hello Everyone. Happy Easter and Spring Solstice to you.

Today I have a guest writer. George Abney is one of our blog readers and he offers his thoughts here.

George, thank you so much for your thoughts and your willingness to share them with us.

Heather Olson
~~~~


Is Happiness What You Expect?

Expect little or nothing and you get... nothing. Expect everything or a lot and you get... it , maybe. An old jewish rube is "betta some than none." Some agree that happiness in any quanity is worth crowing about.

What is it that qualifies happiness?

Qualifications are the proof in the pudding that its really pudding instead of a mudpie. Often, people flail against circumstances that contain requirements at odds with the expectation of happiness.

For example, the romantic girl of any age who compulsively spends every dime on another gothic romance identical to the thousand she has already read but for the names of the characters and the clothing they may wear is happy every time she buys another gothic clone.

Happiness for this logo-lover rests between the covers of a book fully entrenched in a fantasy world that rarely takes the substance of a healthy diet, exercise and rapid therapy at a community mental health clinic. Another example of a distorted expectation of happiness is the lust of a father who dotes on his children as the means of securing yet another sports trophy in the home grove of idols.

This kind of person murders family relationships by using people for personal egoism and he uses love and approval as the hold-out in the emotional hold-up. Beware of the loving individual most willing to make you a sacrifice to their god.

Expectations are important. Reading and writing are also important. Its important to know that rational thinking is a SKILL no one is born with. It takes honesty and a tolerance for humility to engage the self discipline by which one learns constructive reasoning. Lots of dialog with other intelligent people is a start... along with the ability to endure the give and take in the exchange of opposing ideas and viewpoints.

A good argument is one that leaves everyone with something more than what they started with after the papers settle and the physical energy abates. The balance between feeling and thought compels growth in the person who wants to KNOW EXACTLY what to expect of happiness in the contest of life. Its just not the same for everyone and there is a specific reason WHY. Understanding the "Why" can enable a person as a coach of others in their quest for happiness. The Apostle Paul made the

remark that... "I have known both riches and poverty, but in all things I have learned to be content. Godliness with contentment is great gain."

If your life seems a little on the shy side of happiness, perhaps you need to consider the details in your expectations. Adjustments in these metrics can give you the power to move beyond the limitations you face toward a QUALITY lifestyle produced by deliberate choice and specific actions.

I like the radio program "Prairie Home Companion" that hales from Minnesota. The sign off remark of the host is ... "Be well. Do good work. Be happy." Happiness really is a choice.

Don't live life waiting on someone else to give it to you. Go get it for yourself. You are worth it.

George Abney

Put First Things First

Wow, and to think I planned to do this every couple of days! Guess it's a bit more than I thought.

I'm 42 years old and still faced daily with time management issues. I was raised with a mother that was born with that special gene. You know, the one that when you look at something it runs into it's place. The one that makes all organization look easy and even automatic. Her home is always clean, her laundry always under control. Dishes always done and all seemingly effortless. I still wonder how I was born without the actual gene, but with the desire for all things to be "just so".

Simple systems make managing anything easier. Time management systems are available on every bookstore shelf. I've tested several. I've purchased several.

Systems are worthless unless you use them. Mom washed underwear on Mondays, sheets on Tuesdays, etc. That system kept the laundry under control. I've tried that system and when I do it, it works. When I don't, it doesn't. Weird...

Well, I put some time into creating a time management system that meant something. I've seen several that meant something to me. I needed something that meant something to young women, to me, to my kids, to anyone. It had to be easy to use. I looked at many. Some worked for me, but not for others that I asked.

I took the best parts of each of them and put them together. The system is included in the book that's coming out this summer.

The point is to determine what is most important to you. Set meaningful goals for that outcome and schedule them first.

What tends to happen in our daily lives is we push aside the most important parts and schedule trivial tasks first. Eventually the most valued people in our lives begin to feel pushed away and reasonably so. The most important relationships become fragile and often broken.

Time with our children, spouses, parents, friends all of the biggies, get set aside to work a few more hours to pay for the big car or big house or extra cell phone lines.

What it all comes down to is bad habits. We are in the habit of believing that the house/car/etc are what's important. We don't value experiences anymore, we value stuff. We don't play games at the table after dinner, we watch cable. Can you imagine life without your TV?

Erik and I have been talking about turning off the cable. Ouch. I can come up with some really great excuses. All of them good ones, but none of them are good enough. None of them are more important than the precious time with our kids and each other. Sure the kids will be mad. But that will fade. If we force ourselves to address what's really important to us, we'll achieve what we are set out to achieve. Put First Things First.

If a strong relationship with my 10 yr old is important to me (and it is) then he must feel that he can talk to me now. If he has to wait until the commercial, then what happens when he needs to talk to me about drugs or sex or any of a number of things I haven't even thought of yet?

We are going to turn off our TVs and turn on our family. It's a start. A good start.

God Bless.

Heather Olson

I'll Be Happy When...

"May there be peace within you today.

May you trust God that you are

exactly where you are meant to be."
Anonymous

Have you ever noticed yourself saying "I'll be happy when..."? Perhaps when you get into that new house? Or when you get a new car? Perhaps when you lose weight, or maybe when Summer finally gets here?

What about now? Why are we looking to the future for our happiness? If we always focus on the future, we miss today. We miss right now.

We think we will be happy when something happens, but it's an illusion. True happiness comes from within.

In our culture, we confuse Happiness with Pleasure. In seeking happiness we acquire things that bring us pleasure.

We see this every day. Look around. Watch TV. Check out the shopping networks or the diet ads. Have you ever sat down with a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream hoping to feel better?

Drugs and alcohol are common sources of happiness seeking black holes.

Have you ever had a craving? Perhaps it's simply a confused synapse in your inner-self asking you to pay attention. The real craving isn't for the cigarette, drink, hit, ice cream, etc. The real craving is for happiness.

There is only one place to find that. Happiness is on the inside. Happiness is in your mind and in your heart. Not your organ, but the heart of your soul. It may be hard to imagine, but happiness is a choice.

I've heard girls tell me "I want to be happy. It can't possibly be a choice or I'd choose it. Bad stuff always happens to me."

They feel stuck. Stuck in a world without any control, without a map. They seek happiness and find boys or men who tell them what they think they want to hear. They have no meter that measures truth or respect. These girls were never taught that only they can define what they deserve.

My goal is to offer young women tools and training to find happiness from within. It's okay to seek pleasure as long as you understand that's what you are doing. Buy a new dress because you want a new dress, not because you feel bad and shopping makes you feel better.

Girls need a "Self Respect Meter". A tool that measures all aspects of their lives against a personal set of standards that she sets for herself. Point that meter at a guy and check to see if he qualifies to take her to the dance. Point that meter at a job or potential boss and see if they qualify to employ her. Will she move toward her goals with this in her life?

Well technology hasn't brought us there yet, but we can start with a decision making model. I recommend the book "Yes or No" by Spencer Johnson, MD. In it he tells a story that presents a formula for decision making. It's very simple. It's very valuable.

The first decision you can make right now is to find something, anything around you that you love. Be happy with it right now in this moment. You may be feeling so stuck that you cannot see anything that fits that bill. If so, let's practice by closing your eyes and remembering something that you love. Make it bigger, make it louder, more colorful. Now, feel that love. However brief you may have held that feeling, you chose it. You can choose it again. And again. It takes time and practice. After all, it took practice to feel bad. You had to learn it. You had to input negative data on a regular basis. You see, you were born perfect. You were born happy. What you may have missed is that you are still perfect right now.

May there be peace within you today.

May you trust God that you are

exactly where you are meant to be.

I look forward to your comments and posts. I thank you all for your kind emails and notes. Please continue to share this link with others and help me find girls all over the world. Thank you.

Heather Olson

It's Just Hair! Right?

Well, I thought I'd begin sharing some thoughts on Personal Respect and delve into the world of personal empowerment. Do our daughters even know what respect is? Respect for others? Self Respect? How do our girls see themselves?

This would be a great topic... for another day because as of last night, my daughter sees herself with SIGNIFICANTLY shorter hair... again!

For those of you who have known our family for more than a couple of years, you may have thought that when Scout asked her brother to "bald" her at the age of 4 1/2, she would have learned. Wrong.

Yesterday afternoon Scout came downstairs saying she was sorry. (Never a good sign.) I looked up to find a somewhat ragged new do. Hmmm.

The last time she did this, I was profoundly unhappy. Angry even. It didn't help.

So I took a couple of deep breaths and said, "Wow."
It was all I could think of without sounding horribly judgmental.

She wanted to know if she was in trouble.
DING DING I think someone is looking for some attention here.
I told her "no, it's just hair." She said she wasn't happy with it so I said I'd take her to get it fixed up a bit in a couple of days.

I asked her if she wanted to know what it would be like to have short hair again or what it was like to cut hair. She said she wanted to cut hair. Great, I said she could learn that, but let's practice on a doll or something like that. It was agreed...

So I thought.

After supper, we allow 30-60 minutes of TV or a movie a few nights per week. This was a TV night. After TV time, the kiddos go take care of bedtime hygiene, jammie up and wait for prayers.

Up the stairs I go. Kiss, kiss, snuggle, pray and chat. A few giggles and tickles and lights out. Something's different. Yep, she's bald. Not completely bald, but nearly bald. NO HAIR BALD! (Deep Breath. It's just hair, It's just hair, It grows back, I don't care, really.)

Next come the tears. "Mommy, I don't like it! I look ridiculous. I can't face ANY of my friends! (she's a bit of a drama queen)

We calmly talked about it and she went to sleep thinking about buying a new hat.

So what? Well, I got to thinking. Clearly she is sending me a message. I still don't quite know what it is.

Perhaps, she is growing and in need of some new boundaries.

Perhaps, she is not getting enough Mommy Time.

My immediate response was not positive and I am so glad I was able to suppress it before I opened my mouth. After all, it's just hair.

Today she has had some feedback from her friends. Some good, some not so gentle.

She is holding the other end of the stick she picked up with those scissors.

Taking Personal Responsibility for her actions is a lesson that I cannot teach enough. It is a value that I hold extremely high and I find is very rare in young people as well as adults in our culture.

Today she cut her hair and someone said she looks like a boy. Bummer. She has to own that. Tomorrow (or in 10 years) she may decide to explore something more extreme. If she does not own responsibility for her behavior now, what will happen if she doesn't like the outcome then? What if it turns out badly?

With our young people exposed to sex, drugs and violence on a regular, daily basis, they see it as normal. It's not shocking or upsetting because it's all over television and in the lyrics to the music they hear.
Teens see that our public schools have daycare centers in the middle and high schools in order to keep their students with babies in school. So it's okay to have a baby when you are 14 years old. It's normal.

They see their mothers beat up by boyfriends and husbands. It's normal.

They see gangs running the streets and adults in fear of them. It's normal.

Normal doesn't exist anymore. I don't believe you can ever "Go Back", therefore we must go forward. Forward with a replacement for what we have today.

Our girls are the answer. We must prepare them for their PROFOUND responsibility. It is up to them to choose good mates. It is a biological fact of life that men need to breed to ensure the continuation of our species. They don't need to be quite so choosy. If they are strong enough to be chosen as a breeder, they win. It the way nature works.

Well it use to. Females in nature (I'm speaking of the animal kingdom) choose their mates based on strength and virility. Their mate must be able to care for his family, provide food and protection. She is ultimately responsible for the survival of her species.

Human women have messed this up. We choose losers. We choose any man that will say he loves us, or that we look pretty. If we continue this pattern, the human race is in deep trouble.

We must teach our girls that they are complete in and of themselves. They are not a show piece for some guy to display on his arm. HE IS THE ONE THAT MUST QUALIFY.

She needs to learn now how important her decisions are. She must pick up both ends of her sticks. We have the responsibility as parents to help her with the yucky end, but we cannot hold it for her.

Today she cut her hair off. Tomorrow, who knows. What I do know is that it is up to us to prepare her for whatever tomorrow my bring. If she knows that we love her no matter what, that she is worthy, smart and capable of anything she sets her mind to, if she understands that Self Respect, Self Confidence and Self Reliance are the foundation to her future, if she gets all that, I think she'll be okay.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please help me spread the word by subscribing and sending a link to this site to your friends and family.

Blessings,
Heather Olson

The Fun House Mirror Is Warped!

Look in the mirror. What do you see?

The mirror is simply a piece of glass. The reflexion in that glass is an illusion. What you see is affected by many factors; all of them imaginary.

You don't need a mirror to tell yourself what you see. You decided that before you looked. Your mind's eye is reflecting back the data that you entered. The data is run through preset filters in your mind. Filters created by you from your experiences to date.

• fat
• pretty
• acne
• old
• babyish
• ugly
• unworthy
• cool
• not cool
• smart
• dumb
• hot
• nerdy

The Fun House Mirror at the carnival was always fun. You could be tall, round, zig zagged, what ever. The reflexion was an illusion. The glass was warped.

When you make judgments from a false pretense, you get faulty outcomes. If the data entered is corrupt, the results are skewed.

The Fun House Mirror that my son is looking in these days is that of the Hip Hop artists. The illusion is that looking like a convict, a criminal is cool.

Nic is 10. He couldn't care less about his personal hygiene. His clothes can be clean or dirty, inside out or not, matching or clashing, backwards, forwards... you get the point.

Needless to say, I was surprised to hear that the Gangsta or Hip Hop look was so cool. Tattoos and piercings were awesome and that's the look he would be "going for".

You may be saying to yourself, "Hey, I thought this was a blog about girls." It is. That mirror is as pervasive to girls as it is boys. It hits adults as well as kids. We all look.

My husband asked Nic if he knew where this "cool" look came from. Of course the answer was no so Erik continued.

Shoes have no laces and pants have no belts because in prison you aren't allowed to wear them. Extremely baggy clothing won't show a concealed weapon hidden underneath. The reason these people look like criminals is they are dressed like criminals.

If your behavior and presentation is provocative, don't get mad if you provoke someone.

Wearing a mo hawk or inking up your body and piercing any part of you that protrudes enough to stick a needle through may be considered art to some. If I'm looking to hire an artist, I may consider them. If I'm looking to hire an attorney or an accountant, I'll more likely go for the khaki pants and button down collar.

Erik gave the following hypothetical example:

The police receive a call. There has been a robbery at the liquor store. Witnesses saw someone running away from the scene. He was young and wearing baggy clothes, plaid boxer shorts, (you could tell because his pants were falling down), a hooded sweatshirt and his cap was on backwards.

You are walking along minding your own business. You have the standard "cool" uniform on. Baggy jeans starting just below your behind, hooded sweatshirt, ball cap askew, and you walk with that very cool strut. All of a sudden from out of nowhere the police pull up to you with hands prepared to engage their guns. They tell you to hit the wall with your hands where they can see them. They cuff you immediately.

You, of course are way to "cool" to be treated like a common criminal and you know the language. You start with "Hey man, watz da matta?" and follow up with additional comments like you've heard from the quality programming on Court TV.

The policeman explains that there has been a robbery in the area and YOU FIT THE DESCRIPTION OF THE SUSPECT.

Now, let's mix it up a little. Instead of the standard issue convict garb, let's try the khakis and polo shirt combo. If the police even notice you, they may stop to ask if you saw anything.

The mirrors that we use to judge ourselves are simply display windows for others to make their first impressions.

We have all heard "You never get a second chance at a first impression".

It's not all about what others see. What do you see? What's the value that you place on yourself? What do you think you deserve in life?

When I see young girls with dirty hair and a generally unhealthy appearance, I see someone who thinks that's all that she deserves. Her self image came from a warped piece of glass. She started with faulty equipment, entered corrupt data and came away with despair and unworthiness.

With good tools and training on how to use them, our daughters (and our sons) can evaluate their data through clear lenses. Make decisions with purpose and achieve amazing results; the kind of results that they are proud of.

Please take a moment to post your comments and questions. I'd love to hear from you.

Heather Olson

Your Daughter Can Change the World

Your daughter, my daughter, that little girl down the street, any one of them, every one of them could change the world we live in.

Every day in this country and across the globe people fall in love. Boy meets girl, girl smiles at boy...

If it were that sweet. I am not completely cynical. I do believe in love. In fact, Love is the one thing in this worldly life that I am Certain of. I believe for the most part, we all mean well. I believe that when these perfect little babies join us in this world, they are gifts from God, miracles. Absolute proof of God's Love.

So what's my biff? I'll tell you.

I think Scout (our now 7 year old daughter) was 3 when she discovered her obsession for Barbie. Not just Barbie, but Princess Barbie. I grew up with Barbie, harmless I thought. The dolls became movies. Not just Barbie movies, but now we have Disney Princess movies. Disney, I say. What could be the harm in that? It's Disney after all. Who didn't grow up on Disney? So we are watching this innocent little show about a 16 year old girl who blatantly disobeys her father after giving him an extremely disrespectful piece of her mind. She then runs away to make a complete stranger kiss her and fall in love with her. Oh, this is great! Don't worry though, it has a happy ending. Our 16 year old princess finds her prince and GETS MARRIED!!!

What's the message here? The list goes on and on. Our daughters are told from the moment they can be parked in front of a tv, that they are not complete. They must be pretty, they must be perfect little princesses and they must find a man to make them happy.

It hasn't stopped. Scout is now 7 and her tastes have grown. Barbie and the Princesses are still very present in her life, but she has managed to make way for High School Musical's 1 and 2, Hannah Montana, The Jonas Bros, The Cheetah Girls... etc.

Keep in mind that Scout has never attended school outside of our home, her access to television is limited to less than 1 hour per day and all time on the internet is 100% monitored.

Society is everywhere. I have no intention of hiding it from her. I cannot protect her by pretending this world does not exist. I must PREPARE her.

I feel it only fair that I prepare the world for her as well. She's a firecracker!

I moved to Charleston, SC with my husband and children in November of 2005. The palm trees and blooming flowers were a shocking contrast to the icy, bitter cold of central Minnesota. The shock was minor compared to what I was to see in the coming months.

I was saddened. I was angry. Mostly, I was hopeful. I knew what I had to do.

Empowered For Life is a course created primarily for young girls 10 and up. It's a course that begins at the core of her very being and step by step explores tools for use in every day life that lead to personal mastery and grace. With absolute confidence in her ability to move through life as a complete and total human being, your daughter (niece, sister, friend, friend's daughter...you fill in the blank) can choose her path. She will be predator proof.

As we await the release of the book, I will continue to post here. Your email questions and comments are welcome.

Our website will be up soon and I will let you know just as soon as it goes live.

I look forward to hearing from you and I thank you for your interest in this program and your help in changing the world.

Heather Olson