The Fun House Mirror Is Warped!

Look in the mirror. What do you see?

The mirror is simply a piece of glass. The reflexion in that glass is an illusion. What you see is affected by many factors; all of them imaginary.

You don't need a mirror to tell yourself what you see. You decided that before you looked. Your mind's eye is reflecting back the data that you entered. The data is run through preset filters in your mind. Filters created by you from your experiences to date.

• fat
• pretty
• acne
• old
• babyish
• ugly
• unworthy
• cool
• not cool
• smart
• dumb
• hot
• nerdy

The Fun House Mirror at the carnival was always fun. You could be tall, round, zig zagged, what ever. The reflexion was an illusion. The glass was warped.

When you make judgments from a false pretense, you get faulty outcomes. If the data entered is corrupt, the results are skewed.

The Fun House Mirror that my son is looking in these days is that of the Hip Hop artists. The illusion is that looking like a convict, a criminal is cool.

Nic is 10. He couldn't care less about his personal hygiene. His clothes can be clean or dirty, inside out or not, matching or clashing, backwards, forwards... you get the point.

Needless to say, I was surprised to hear that the Gangsta or Hip Hop look was so cool. Tattoos and piercings were awesome and that's the look he would be "going for".

You may be saying to yourself, "Hey, I thought this was a blog about girls." It is. That mirror is as pervasive to girls as it is boys. It hits adults as well as kids. We all look.

My husband asked Nic if he knew where this "cool" look came from. Of course the answer was no so Erik continued.

Shoes have no laces and pants have no belts because in prison you aren't allowed to wear them. Extremely baggy clothing won't show a concealed weapon hidden underneath. The reason these people look like criminals is they are dressed like criminals.

If your behavior and presentation is provocative, don't get mad if you provoke someone.

Wearing a mo hawk or inking up your body and piercing any part of you that protrudes enough to stick a needle through may be considered art to some. If I'm looking to hire an artist, I may consider them. If I'm looking to hire an attorney or an accountant, I'll more likely go for the khaki pants and button down collar.

Erik gave the following hypothetical example:

The police receive a call. There has been a robbery at the liquor store. Witnesses saw someone running away from the scene. He was young and wearing baggy clothes, plaid boxer shorts, (you could tell because his pants were falling down), a hooded sweatshirt and his cap was on backwards.

You are walking along minding your own business. You have the standard "cool" uniform on. Baggy jeans starting just below your behind, hooded sweatshirt, ball cap askew, and you walk with that very cool strut. All of a sudden from out of nowhere the police pull up to you with hands prepared to engage their guns. They tell you to hit the wall with your hands where they can see them. They cuff you immediately.

You, of course are way to "cool" to be treated like a common criminal and you know the language. You start with "Hey man, watz da matta?" and follow up with additional comments like you've heard from the quality programming on Court TV.

The policeman explains that there has been a robbery in the area and YOU FIT THE DESCRIPTION OF THE SUSPECT.

Now, let's mix it up a little. Instead of the standard issue convict garb, let's try the khakis and polo shirt combo. If the police even notice you, they may stop to ask if you saw anything.

The mirrors that we use to judge ourselves are simply display windows for others to make their first impressions.

We have all heard "You never get a second chance at a first impression".

It's not all about what others see. What do you see? What's the value that you place on yourself? What do you think you deserve in life?

When I see young girls with dirty hair and a generally unhealthy appearance, I see someone who thinks that's all that she deserves. Her self image came from a warped piece of glass. She started with faulty equipment, entered corrupt data and came away with despair and unworthiness.

With good tools and training on how to use them, our daughters (and our sons) can evaluate their data through clear lenses. Make decisions with purpose and achieve amazing results; the kind of results that they are proud of.

Please take a moment to post your comments and questions. I'd love to hear from you.

Heather Olson