It's Just Hair! Right?

Well, I thought I'd begin sharing some thoughts on Personal Respect and delve into the world of personal empowerment. Do our daughters even know what respect is? Respect for others? Self Respect? How do our girls see themselves?

This would be a great topic... for another day because as of last night, my daughter sees herself with SIGNIFICANTLY shorter hair... again!

For those of you who have known our family for more than a couple of years, you may have thought that when Scout asked her brother to "bald" her at the age of 4 1/2, she would have learned. Wrong.

Yesterday afternoon Scout came downstairs saying she was sorry. (Never a good sign.) I looked up to find a somewhat ragged new do. Hmmm.

The last time she did this, I was profoundly unhappy. Angry even. It didn't help.

So I took a couple of deep breaths and said, "Wow."
It was all I could think of without sounding horribly judgmental.

She wanted to know if she was in trouble.
DING DING I think someone is looking for some attention here.
I told her "no, it's just hair." She said she wasn't happy with it so I said I'd take her to get it fixed up a bit in a couple of days.

I asked her if she wanted to know what it would be like to have short hair again or what it was like to cut hair. She said she wanted to cut hair. Great, I said she could learn that, but let's practice on a doll or something like that. It was agreed...

So I thought.

After supper, we allow 30-60 minutes of TV or a movie a few nights per week. This was a TV night. After TV time, the kiddos go take care of bedtime hygiene, jammie up and wait for prayers.

Up the stairs I go. Kiss, kiss, snuggle, pray and chat. A few giggles and tickles and lights out. Something's different. Yep, she's bald. Not completely bald, but nearly bald. NO HAIR BALD! (Deep Breath. It's just hair, It's just hair, It grows back, I don't care, really.)

Next come the tears. "Mommy, I don't like it! I look ridiculous. I can't face ANY of my friends! (she's a bit of a drama queen)

We calmly talked about it and she went to sleep thinking about buying a new hat.

So what? Well, I got to thinking. Clearly she is sending me a message. I still don't quite know what it is.

Perhaps, she is growing and in need of some new boundaries.

Perhaps, she is not getting enough Mommy Time.

My immediate response was not positive and I am so glad I was able to suppress it before I opened my mouth. After all, it's just hair.

Today she has had some feedback from her friends. Some good, some not so gentle.

She is holding the other end of the stick she picked up with those scissors.

Taking Personal Responsibility for her actions is a lesson that I cannot teach enough. It is a value that I hold extremely high and I find is very rare in young people as well as adults in our culture.

Today she cut her hair and someone said she looks like a boy. Bummer. She has to own that. Tomorrow (or in 10 years) she may decide to explore something more extreme. If she does not own responsibility for her behavior now, what will happen if she doesn't like the outcome then? What if it turns out badly?

With our young people exposed to sex, drugs and violence on a regular, daily basis, they see it as normal. It's not shocking or upsetting because it's all over television and in the lyrics to the music they hear.
Teens see that our public schools have daycare centers in the middle and high schools in order to keep their students with babies in school. So it's okay to have a baby when you are 14 years old. It's normal.

They see their mothers beat up by boyfriends and husbands. It's normal.

They see gangs running the streets and adults in fear of them. It's normal.

Normal doesn't exist anymore. I don't believe you can ever "Go Back", therefore we must go forward. Forward with a replacement for what we have today.

Our girls are the answer. We must prepare them for their PROFOUND responsibility. It is up to them to choose good mates. It is a biological fact of life that men need to breed to ensure the continuation of our species. They don't need to be quite so choosy. If they are strong enough to be chosen as a breeder, they win. It the way nature works.

Well it use to. Females in nature (I'm speaking of the animal kingdom) choose their mates based on strength and virility. Their mate must be able to care for his family, provide food and protection. She is ultimately responsible for the survival of her species.

Human women have messed this up. We choose losers. We choose any man that will say he loves us, or that we look pretty. If we continue this pattern, the human race is in deep trouble.

We must teach our girls that they are complete in and of themselves. They are not a show piece for some guy to display on his arm. HE IS THE ONE THAT MUST QUALIFY.

She needs to learn now how important her decisions are. She must pick up both ends of her sticks. We have the responsibility as parents to help her with the yucky end, but we cannot hold it for her.

Today she cut her hair off. Tomorrow, who knows. What I do know is that it is up to us to prepare her for whatever tomorrow my bring. If she knows that we love her no matter what, that she is worthy, smart and capable of anything she sets her mind to, if she understands that Self Respect, Self Confidence and Self Reliance are the foundation to her future, if she gets all that, I think she'll be okay.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please help me spread the word by subscribing and sending a link to this site to your friends and family.

Blessings,
Heather Olson