wisdomforliving: LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

wisdomforliving: LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

You Are Getting Exactly What You Are Looking For

Sitting in church this morning, I was struck by something the pastor said. He was comparing what he felt many churches focus their energy on to what he preaches and why he does. He said, "If we focus on how bad, wretched and sinful people are, what are you going to get more of?"

This is a sentiment I share in many ways. I tell the young women that I work with, "You are getting exactly what you are looking for." Our culture has somehow determined that when you are at work you should complain about home and when you are at home, you should complain about work. We look for the bad and find it every time. No wonder.

When we inspect someone's work, are we only looking for what they missed or did wrong? When your daughter sweeps the floor, do you find the one spot she missed? What are you looking for?

What about in your own life? Are you looking for prosperity or how bad life is. Do you talk about how hopeless things look or what possibilities are out there? Consider quietly and privately what you say to yourself and others. Consider what you seek in your thoughts and actions.

How do you speak about yourself? To yourself? To others about you? How do you respond to compliments? Could you handle being the center of applause? Do you deserve it? Only you can say "Yes".

Practice looking for what you really want. Take small steps. Congratulate yourself and others on partial successes. Catch your kids doing something right. It feels great and they tend to respond with more good choices.

Sometimes, almost right is perfect. Accept the blessing when you find a perfect parking spot or are offered a compliment. Say "Thank you". Say Thank you to God.

I wish you a blessed day and a prosperous week.

Heather Olson

Victim or Volunteer?

I was thinking about different ways to achieve my goal of reaching 1 Million Young Women in 2008. I started looking at different groups that work with young people. Again I am haunted by the overwhelming attention to victimhood. I may not be very popular in the Self-Help arena or the various groups set up for battered women because I strongly believe that the only person that stop people from hurting you IS YOU.

I love what Naomi Judd said: "I consider a turning point as that moment in which we make a conscious decision to expand or contract. We only get to be a victim once, and after that we're a volunteer."

So I'm often asked "How am I suppose to choose anything better? I have these kids to take care of on my own, I have no skills, etc..." I tell them first that if they continue to argue for their limitations, they get to keep them. The answer is first to choose something better. Stop making excuses. If you don't have a job or a way to take care of your children while you work, you will need to start looking for ways to earn a living from home or find an organization dedicated to helping young mothers that want to change their lives. The other obvious thing is to stop having children. This isn't the time to bring more babies into your life.

Young women often become pregnant not because they are unaware of the risks of unprotected sex, but the opposite. They think this loser is going to take care of them. I refer you to my previous post.

Take a trip to the local library. If you have children, take them to the children's area for some reading and puzzles etc. Jump on the computer there and search for organizations helping young people with the challenges you face.

Learn some skills. Read up while you are there. What really trips your trigger? What interests did you have before you felt out of control? Start with an idea, then let it grow. It will likely change many times before you land on something that you are truly called to.

Stay away from influences in your life that seem too good to be true. Stay away from friends that use drugs. Stay away from boys and sex. Clean yourself up. Clean your space up. Prove to yourself that you deserve good things. Don't go out and spend a bunch of money, just look around you. Does what you see belong in your new life?

Pick a role model. Someone you admire. Someone you respect. Stay away from the hot models, the rock stars with floss for clothes, and anyone who uses drugs. Pick someone who speaks clearly without using slang. Someone who dresses professionally or modestly. Someone with stated goals.

Now, compare your room/apartment with where your role model lives. Would you feel comfortable inviting that person to your space? If not, clean it up. How are you dressed? Would they wear what you are wearing? If not, change your clothes. For tips on shopping at thrift stores to save money and look fantastic, see my next blog.

Take control now. Make a choice to give up your habit of being a victim. Don't allow anything to happen "to" you anymore. Nothing can without your permission.

Be Well and Make a Great Life.
Heather Olson

Is it about Control?

I'm wondering today. Trying to understand what young girls really want, or think they want. Is it that they want to be completely taken care of by whomever volunteers? Or is it that they want more control in their lives and just don't understand the responsibility that comes with it?

I am baffled by the new meaning of PAM. It use to be a cooking spray that kept eggs from sticking. Not anymore. Now it stands for Pro Ana Mia, which translates to Pro- Anorexia, Bulimia. This movement is portraying these extremely fatal illnesses as a lifestyle not a disease. Are you kidding me?

This is why I ask the control question. During my adolescence, my best friend suffered from Bulimia. I wouldn't be surprised if she continued her battle today. She came to live with us at 17 when she could no longer live with either of her parents. I, of course, was completely on her side considering her parents unworthy and incapable of handling the tough stuff. It never occurred to me what my friend or her parents were really going through.

As an adult, I witnessed a family member face the disease with one of his daughters. I saw a father who was so lost, so distraught over the fact that he could not fix whatever was wrong. I saw a kid who was in control for the first time in her life (or so she thought). She had her parents, her sister and a barrage of health care professionals all under her thumb. All she had to do was eat or not eat. Of course the disease took over control and she spent many months in a hospital. She has recovered, her family has recovered, but the question is still poking at me. Why?

Is it our completely messed up view of beauty? And if we go down that road, the one that blames society, Hollywood, the Fashion industry etc, what does that say? If young women believe that's what it takes to land "Mr Right", then what?

Even if it were true, (and of course it's not or we'd be extinct) the implication is that these women only deserve a man that wants a decoration for his arm. Someone he can control. Control. There's that word again. Pro Ana Mia seems to be all about control, yet the paradox is that these girls have lost control of their whole world.

The biological reality is that men tend to be attracted to women who appear to be breedable. Men are wired in nature to propagate the species. They are likely to want mates that can help them fulfill their purpose. Women whose pelvic bones would likely break during childbirth, (assuming they could even become pregnant, which is unlikely) are not candidates for breeding. In nature, it is the male's job to breed and the female's job to choose a strong male to protect her and her young as she raises them.

The men Don't do the choosing. We do. That's right. It's up to women to choose a good mate. It's up to women to find strong, successful men who are likely to be able to support and protect a family. Choosing losers creates a new generation of losers.

What our young ladies need to be taught is NOT how to puke themselves into size 0, but indeed how to stand on their own, unassisted by men. Self-sufficient until someone comes along who truly qualifies to be her mate, and only then if she is interested in having one.

Our daughters need the skills to live on their own. They need the confidence that only comes from independence. They need to know exactly how to kick the ever-loving crap out of anyone who threatens them. If they never raise a fist (gun, pepper spray, etc...) but have the knowledge and confidence from proper training, they will not attract predators.

Confident young women, who are busy with their own lives, content and somewhat disinterested in relationships, are attractive to successful men.

That kind of beauty is the kind that can change the world.

What kind of input do the young women in your life have? Are they more interested in romance novels, chick flicks and the latest diet and fashions? Or are they interested in learning about what really makes them tick? What kind of music does she like? What are the messages from TV, Friends, School? What about from you?

If your life is controlled by anything or anyone other than you, that is what you are teaching her.

My challenge for you today is to take a look, an honest look at yourself, your daughter, her friends and her interests. Then ask her about them. Ask for her thoughts. Don't judge, just listen.

Please write me with your thoughts and comments.

Be well and prosperous.

Heather Olson