It's All In What We Do With It.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou

Dr. Angelou got me thinking. We've talked about this topic before and it's a very important one.

I was on a conference call the other night with 2 amazing presenters. One concept that I got from the 90 min call was, It's not "How" to do any given thing, It's understanding the "Way".

On the surface that seems a bit tough to swallow. Understanding the "Way" is moving forward in Faith. Another quote that caught my attention was from Raymond Holliwell, author of "Working With The Law, 11 Truth Principles For Successful Living"; He said quote:

"True desire represents the urge of life seeking a fuller expression and is kept alive by continuous expectation of fulfillment.
It brings to us the ways and the means for its manifestation.
The principle explains that no desire is felt within the human being until the supply is ready to appear and that no person can be conscious of a desire or any need unless the possibility of its fulfillment already exists."

Wow. I could reread that paragraph all day. I have desires, real desires. And to think that given this statement, the possibility of the fulfillment of any and all of my desires already exists.

One desire that I have shared with all of you is to reach 1 Million young women by the end of this year. I was asked today if that meant I expected to sell 1 Million copies of the "Empowered For Life" curriculum... well, I wouldn't turn it down, ☺ but what it means is, those that can bring the program into their home will start a new language amongst parents and daughters. That language will start to spread into schools and gathering sites. When kids and parents start communicating on the same page, turmoil and hostility evaporate.

Even if a copy of the Free CD overview gets spread to 1 Million girls, I'll have accomplished my goal without selling a single copy of the program. (the website is under construction and should be up in about a week)

Returning to topic.

What exactly do we Do With It?
You've all heard me say: Thoughts are Things. If we sit in the dark and complain silently to ourselves, we are in reality, yelling to the universe. We are screaming out, "Rain on my parade! Please!"

What you do with it is, challenge your thoughts. When a negative thought creeps into your mind, simply examine it at first. Don't try to change or deny it. Simply ask it what its purpose is. Why are you here? How have you been of service to me in the past and does that service still apply? Consider how it may feel if just for a moment you felt different. "If I didn't feel that everything bad happens to me, what would that be like? Am I willing to try it just for a moment?"

Start a journal of your thoughts. From the front toward the back, on the right side pages, write down your positive thoughts. Flip the book over now and open from the back. (because it's upside down and backwards you will still be writing on the right side pages, but they will be opposite to the others) This is where your negative thoughts go.

I hope you will find that even if it starts with the negatives getting a head start, your mind will see the competition and the positive thoughts will take over. It can be fun and very liberating.

Please share your thoughts and experiences with your journal. If you'd like to be quoted on the website, send me an email or comment here.

In Peace and Prosperity, Love and Hope,

Blessings to you all,
Heather Olson

The Gift of The Present

The Gift of The Present

This is not in any way a new concept. The idea was presented beautifully in the book “The Present” by Spencer Johnson, MD.

What exists is Right Now. Not 10 minutes ago or 10 minutes in the future. Just Now.

This is a simple concept that baffles nearly 100% of the population. Right Now, I’m fine. My kids are healthy, I am healthy, No one has a gun to my head. I’m fine.

So what’s the point? Good question. The point is simply that the past does not exist outside of our mind. The fear of the future has only the power we give it.

Our previous experiences can serve us or enslave us. If we identify with what happened in the past, ie: I am an incest survivor, I am a Katrina survivor, I am a flood victim, I am a… whatever applies, we empower a non existent illusion. The only power any past event in our lives can have is the power we give it. Don’t get me wrong. I believe we can and should learn from the events in our lives. I just don’t think we should allow those events to control us.

The future is no different. Today my outlook may be: “How will I put food on the table tomorrow?” or “I’m stuck in this crappy little house with a control freak running the show and I see no way out.” These thoughts reek havoc in our lives and control our thoughts. They also by their energetic nature invite like energy creating outcomes that match the current events. We get more of what we don’t want.

Well, that’s all well and good, but how do we break the cycle? Another great question. It’s not easy. I struggle with it every day. I regret things I’ve done. I fear tomorrow. I cringe over pretty much anything and everything that I cannot personally influence. (yes I get that that makes me a control freak myself) Ha ha.

The best answer I have come across is in the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Dr. Stephen Covey. Not an easy read, very chewy but fantastic.

The first time I read it was about 20 years ago. I’ve picked it up at least once a year since. There are many points that are covered and I recommend reading the book for yourself, but for this essay I want to look at “The Circle of Concern” vs “ The Circle of Influence”.

Dr Covey’s point is quite simple. Focus your energy on things you can influence. Stay clear of those you cannot. Simple.

If your actions cannot directly affect the war in Iraq or hunger in Africa, or closer to home like the behavior of another person, quit trying. You have no influence. All you are doing is creating pain for yourself.

I tell my children when they are upset that someone said they were “mean” or “yucky” or whatever children say to each other, “The only person thinking about this right now is you. Therefore, the only person feeling bad is you. Only you can change how you feel. Only you have control over you.”

Good advice. (especially for me) I don’t like it when I feel that I’ve caused someone pain or ill feelings. I get that. I must maintain that I am the only person that can affect how I feel. What thoughts, good or bad, that occur in my head are solely my responsibility. Mine alone. No one can make you happy. No one can make you mad. No one but you.

Chewy stuff. Think for a moment about what’s happening this instant. Think about the smells, the sounds. What can you look at in your life, even just for a moment, that is good. What are you grateful for. Believe in that.

Choose to invite positive thoughts and share them with others. They are contagious. Not everyone will accept your gift. All gifts belong to the giver until they are accepted by the recipient.

Be generous with your gifts. Don’t accept gifts that don’t serve you.

Be Well. Be Abundant and Be Prosperous.

Blessing to you and yours,

Heather Olson

Crazy Times

Well, It's been crazy here lately. Nothing new, just a bit of turbo-crazy. I've been away from my blog for way too long.

I am very blessed to be surrounded by writers and my father has come to my rescue again. He's a thoughtful man and has so much to offer. Today he has some thoughts from a recent seniors meeting where young people were invited in for discussion.

Here are his comments:

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’ OR ARE THEY?

This morning I attended my Thursday morning discussion group. It is a group of senior citizens who get together weekly to solve the problems of the world. This morning we had a treat. There were five young people there to have an inter-generation discussion with the old folks. This essay is a composite of that discussion.

One of the youngsters was a member of the National Guard. He was in training to become a military policeman. He may well be on his way to the Middle East soon. Our discussion covered his opinion of his readiness for combat and his opinion of the war that is going on. I am pleased to report to you that with young men like him in our military service, our freedoms will continue to be secure.

A young lady was a senior in high school but has already completed one and a half years of college. She has been accepted by a famous eastern college to start her preparation for medical school. She intends to be a brain-surgeon. After visiting with her I decided if I needed any brain surgery I would wait for her to finish school. She was a very impressive young woman. We asked her opinion of our educational system. She opined that she was not challenged by her school work. Go figure.

Yet another young lady was preparing herself to be an elementary school teacher in Latin America while another was readying herself for a career as a dental hygienist. Our group of senior citizens was amazed by the quality of these youngsters. We asked them to ask us their questions.

The future brain surgeon wondered how she was going to pay for the education she was embarking upon. Her college will cost $60,000.00 per year and that doesn’t cover her medical school. Even with grants, she will still be in debt between $500,000 and a million dollars when she completes her schooling. Another wondered about paying into Social Security without any real chance of getting anything back. The conversation was mostly about superficial things however. We talked about the value of maintaining a good credit standing. We talked about saving money for retirement and other things. It was a great time.

So what does all this have to do with this blog? I will try to answer that question. The subject of grandparents came up. The question was asked by a senior citizen as to what did their grandparents have to do with their lives and choices. I hope some of you who read this blog are grandparents. All of these kids said their grandparents were a major influence in their lives. Their grandparents were their heroes. They valued their opinions and their experiences. They valued the lessons of life they had learned from them.

It is pretty easy to see that these young people are on their way to successful lives. One of the main differences between this group of kids and the ones you read about in the newspapers is, I believe, a close relationship with their grandparents. These young people are “Empowered for life”. If you are a youngster reading this, try to spend as much of your time as possible with your grandparents. They have so much to offer you. If you are a grandparent don’t underestimate your influence on your grandchildren. You have wisdom to share. You have experience to share. Even if you don’t live next door, you have gifts to offer and you know I am not talking about physical gifts. Give the gift of love and share your world with these young ones. Who knows someday one of them may be the surgeon who saves your life or mine.

The more things change the more they stay the same. Value your grandchildren and give them the opportunity to value you.

Ron Scarbro May 22, 2008

wisdomforliving: LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

wisdomforliving: LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

You Are Getting Exactly What You Are Looking For

Sitting in church this morning, I was struck by something the pastor said. He was comparing what he felt many churches focus their energy on to what he preaches and why he does. He said, "If we focus on how bad, wretched and sinful people are, what are you going to get more of?"

This is a sentiment I share in many ways. I tell the young women that I work with, "You are getting exactly what you are looking for." Our culture has somehow determined that when you are at work you should complain about home and when you are at home, you should complain about work. We look for the bad and find it every time. No wonder.

When we inspect someone's work, are we only looking for what they missed or did wrong? When your daughter sweeps the floor, do you find the one spot she missed? What are you looking for?

What about in your own life? Are you looking for prosperity or how bad life is. Do you talk about how hopeless things look or what possibilities are out there? Consider quietly and privately what you say to yourself and others. Consider what you seek in your thoughts and actions.

How do you speak about yourself? To yourself? To others about you? How do you respond to compliments? Could you handle being the center of applause? Do you deserve it? Only you can say "Yes".

Practice looking for what you really want. Take small steps. Congratulate yourself and others on partial successes. Catch your kids doing something right. It feels great and they tend to respond with more good choices.

Sometimes, almost right is perfect. Accept the blessing when you find a perfect parking spot or are offered a compliment. Say "Thank you". Say Thank you to God.

I wish you a blessed day and a prosperous week.

Heather Olson

Victim or Volunteer?

I was thinking about different ways to achieve my goal of reaching 1 Million Young Women in 2008. I started looking at different groups that work with young people. Again I am haunted by the overwhelming attention to victimhood. I may not be very popular in the Self-Help arena or the various groups set up for battered women because I strongly believe that the only person that stop people from hurting you IS YOU.

I love what Naomi Judd said: "I consider a turning point as that moment in which we make a conscious decision to expand or contract. We only get to be a victim once, and after that we're a volunteer."

So I'm often asked "How am I suppose to choose anything better? I have these kids to take care of on my own, I have no skills, etc..." I tell them first that if they continue to argue for their limitations, they get to keep them. The answer is first to choose something better. Stop making excuses. If you don't have a job or a way to take care of your children while you work, you will need to start looking for ways to earn a living from home or find an organization dedicated to helping young mothers that want to change their lives. The other obvious thing is to stop having children. This isn't the time to bring more babies into your life.

Young women often become pregnant not because they are unaware of the risks of unprotected sex, but the opposite. They think this loser is going to take care of them. I refer you to my previous post.

Take a trip to the local library. If you have children, take them to the children's area for some reading and puzzles etc. Jump on the computer there and search for organizations helping young people with the challenges you face.

Learn some skills. Read up while you are there. What really trips your trigger? What interests did you have before you felt out of control? Start with an idea, then let it grow. It will likely change many times before you land on something that you are truly called to.

Stay away from influences in your life that seem too good to be true. Stay away from friends that use drugs. Stay away from boys and sex. Clean yourself up. Clean your space up. Prove to yourself that you deserve good things. Don't go out and spend a bunch of money, just look around you. Does what you see belong in your new life?

Pick a role model. Someone you admire. Someone you respect. Stay away from the hot models, the rock stars with floss for clothes, and anyone who uses drugs. Pick someone who speaks clearly without using slang. Someone who dresses professionally or modestly. Someone with stated goals.

Now, compare your room/apartment with where your role model lives. Would you feel comfortable inviting that person to your space? If not, clean it up. How are you dressed? Would they wear what you are wearing? If not, change your clothes. For tips on shopping at thrift stores to save money and look fantastic, see my next blog.

Take control now. Make a choice to give up your habit of being a victim. Don't allow anything to happen "to" you anymore. Nothing can without your permission.

Be Well and Make a Great Life.
Heather Olson

Is it about Control?

I'm wondering today. Trying to understand what young girls really want, or think they want. Is it that they want to be completely taken care of by whomever volunteers? Or is it that they want more control in their lives and just don't understand the responsibility that comes with it?

I am baffled by the new meaning of PAM. It use to be a cooking spray that kept eggs from sticking. Not anymore. Now it stands for Pro Ana Mia, which translates to Pro- Anorexia, Bulimia. This movement is portraying these extremely fatal illnesses as a lifestyle not a disease. Are you kidding me?

This is why I ask the control question. During my adolescence, my best friend suffered from Bulimia. I wouldn't be surprised if she continued her battle today. She came to live with us at 17 when she could no longer live with either of her parents. I, of course, was completely on her side considering her parents unworthy and incapable of handling the tough stuff. It never occurred to me what my friend or her parents were really going through.

As an adult, I witnessed a family member face the disease with one of his daughters. I saw a father who was so lost, so distraught over the fact that he could not fix whatever was wrong. I saw a kid who was in control for the first time in her life (or so she thought). She had her parents, her sister and a barrage of health care professionals all under her thumb. All she had to do was eat or not eat. Of course the disease took over control and she spent many months in a hospital. She has recovered, her family has recovered, but the question is still poking at me. Why?

Is it our completely messed up view of beauty? And if we go down that road, the one that blames society, Hollywood, the Fashion industry etc, what does that say? If young women believe that's what it takes to land "Mr Right", then what?

Even if it were true, (and of course it's not or we'd be extinct) the implication is that these women only deserve a man that wants a decoration for his arm. Someone he can control. Control. There's that word again. Pro Ana Mia seems to be all about control, yet the paradox is that these girls have lost control of their whole world.

The biological reality is that men tend to be attracted to women who appear to be breedable. Men are wired in nature to propagate the species. They are likely to want mates that can help them fulfill their purpose. Women whose pelvic bones would likely break during childbirth, (assuming they could even become pregnant, which is unlikely) are not candidates for breeding. In nature, it is the male's job to breed and the female's job to choose a strong male to protect her and her young as she raises them.

The men Don't do the choosing. We do. That's right. It's up to women to choose a good mate. It's up to women to find strong, successful men who are likely to be able to support and protect a family. Choosing losers creates a new generation of losers.

What our young ladies need to be taught is NOT how to puke themselves into size 0, but indeed how to stand on their own, unassisted by men. Self-sufficient until someone comes along who truly qualifies to be her mate, and only then if she is interested in having one.

Our daughters need the skills to live on their own. They need the confidence that only comes from independence. They need to know exactly how to kick the ever-loving crap out of anyone who threatens them. If they never raise a fist (gun, pepper spray, etc...) but have the knowledge and confidence from proper training, they will not attract predators.

Confident young women, who are busy with their own lives, content and somewhat disinterested in relationships, are attractive to successful men.

That kind of beauty is the kind that can change the world.

What kind of input do the young women in your life have? Are they more interested in romance novels, chick flicks and the latest diet and fashions? Or are they interested in learning about what really makes them tick? What kind of music does she like? What are the messages from TV, Friends, School? What about from you?

If your life is controlled by anything or anyone other than you, that is what you are teaching her.

My challenge for you today is to take a look, an honest look at yourself, your daughter, her friends and her interests. Then ask her about them. Ask for her thoughts. Don't judge, just listen.

Please write me with your thoughts and comments.

Be well and prosperous.

Heather Olson