The Gift of The Present

The Gift of The Present

This is not in any way a new concept. The idea was presented beautifully in the book “The Present” by Spencer Johnson, MD.

What exists is Right Now. Not 10 minutes ago or 10 minutes in the future. Just Now.

This is a simple concept that baffles nearly 100% of the population. Right Now, I’m fine. My kids are healthy, I am healthy, No one has a gun to my head. I’m fine.

So what’s the point? Good question. The point is simply that the past does not exist outside of our mind. The fear of the future has only the power we give it.

Our previous experiences can serve us or enslave us. If we identify with what happened in the past, ie: I am an incest survivor, I am a Katrina survivor, I am a flood victim, I am a… whatever applies, we empower a non existent illusion. The only power any past event in our lives can have is the power we give it. Don’t get me wrong. I believe we can and should learn from the events in our lives. I just don’t think we should allow those events to control us.

The future is no different. Today my outlook may be: “How will I put food on the table tomorrow?” or “I’m stuck in this crappy little house with a control freak running the show and I see no way out.” These thoughts reek havoc in our lives and control our thoughts. They also by their energetic nature invite like energy creating outcomes that match the current events. We get more of what we don’t want.

Well, that’s all well and good, but how do we break the cycle? Another great question. It’s not easy. I struggle with it every day. I regret things I’ve done. I fear tomorrow. I cringe over pretty much anything and everything that I cannot personally influence. (yes I get that that makes me a control freak myself) Ha ha.

The best answer I have come across is in the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Dr. Stephen Covey. Not an easy read, very chewy but fantastic.

The first time I read it was about 20 years ago. I’ve picked it up at least once a year since. There are many points that are covered and I recommend reading the book for yourself, but for this essay I want to look at “The Circle of Concern” vs “ The Circle of Influence”.

Dr Covey’s point is quite simple. Focus your energy on things you can influence. Stay clear of those you cannot. Simple.

If your actions cannot directly affect the war in Iraq or hunger in Africa, or closer to home like the behavior of another person, quit trying. You have no influence. All you are doing is creating pain for yourself.

I tell my children when they are upset that someone said they were “mean” or “yucky” or whatever children say to each other, “The only person thinking about this right now is you. Therefore, the only person feeling bad is you. Only you can change how you feel. Only you have control over you.”

Good advice. (especially for me) I don’t like it when I feel that I’ve caused someone pain or ill feelings. I get that. I must maintain that I am the only person that can affect how I feel. What thoughts, good or bad, that occur in my head are solely my responsibility. Mine alone. No one can make you happy. No one can make you mad. No one but you.

Chewy stuff. Think for a moment about what’s happening this instant. Think about the smells, the sounds. What can you look at in your life, even just for a moment, that is good. What are you grateful for. Believe in that.

Choose to invite positive thoughts and share them with others. They are contagious. Not everyone will accept your gift. All gifts belong to the giver until they are accepted by the recipient.

Be generous with your gifts. Don’t accept gifts that don’t serve you.

Be Well. Be Abundant and Be Prosperous.

Blessing to you and yours,

Heather Olson

Crazy Times

Well, It's been crazy here lately. Nothing new, just a bit of turbo-crazy. I've been away from my blog for way too long.

I am very blessed to be surrounded by writers and my father has come to my rescue again. He's a thoughtful man and has so much to offer. Today he has some thoughts from a recent seniors meeting where young people were invited in for discussion.

Here are his comments:

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’ OR ARE THEY?

This morning I attended my Thursday morning discussion group. It is a group of senior citizens who get together weekly to solve the problems of the world. This morning we had a treat. There were five young people there to have an inter-generation discussion with the old folks. This essay is a composite of that discussion.

One of the youngsters was a member of the National Guard. He was in training to become a military policeman. He may well be on his way to the Middle East soon. Our discussion covered his opinion of his readiness for combat and his opinion of the war that is going on. I am pleased to report to you that with young men like him in our military service, our freedoms will continue to be secure.

A young lady was a senior in high school but has already completed one and a half years of college. She has been accepted by a famous eastern college to start her preparation for medical school. She intends to be a brain-surgeon. After visiting with her I decided if I needed any brain surgery I would wait for her to finish school. She was a very impressive young woman. We asked her opinion of our educational system. She opined that she was not challenged by her school work. Go figure.

Yet another young lady was preparing herself to be an elementary school teacher in Latin America while another was readying herself for a career as a dental hygienist. Our group of senior citizens was amazed by the quality of these youngsters. We asked them to ask us their questions.

The future brain surgeon wondered how she was going to pay for the education she was embarking upon. Her college will cost $60,000.00 per year and that doesn’t cover her medical school. Even with grants, she will still be in debt between $500,000 and a million dollars when she completes her schooling. Another wondered about paying into Social Security without any real chance of getting anything back. The conversation was mostly about superficial things however. We talked about the value of maintaining a good credit standing. We talked about saving money for retirement and other things. It was a great time.

So what does all this have to do with this blog? I will try to answer that question. The subject of grandparents came up. The question was asked by a senior citizen as to what did their grandparents have to do with their lives and choices. I hope some of you who read this blog are grandparents. All of these kids said their grandparents were a major influence in their lives. Their grandparents were their heroes. They valued their opinions and their experiences. They valued the lessons of life they had learned from them.

It is pretty easy to see that these young people are on their way to successful lives. One of the main differences between this group of kids and the ones you read about in the newspapers is, I believe, a close relationship with their grandparents. These young people are “Empowered for life”. If you are a youngster reading this, try to spend as much of your time as possible with your grandparents. They have so much to offer you. If you are a grandparent don’t underestimate your influence on your grandchildren. You have wisdom to share. You have experience to share. Even if you don’t live next door, you have gifts to offer and you know I am not talking about physical gifts. Give the gift of love and share your world with these young ones. Who knows someday one of them may be the surgeon who saves your life or mine.

The more things change the more they stay the same. Value your grandchildren and give them the opportunity to value you.

Ron Scarbro May 22, 2008