Victim or Volunteer?

I was thinking about different ways to achieve my goal of reaching 1 Million Young Women in 2008. I started looking at different groups that work with young people. Again I am haunted by the overwhelming attention to victimhood. I may not be very popular in the Self-Help arena or the various groups set up for battered women because I strongly believe that the only person that stop people from hurting you IS YOU.

I love what Naomi Judd said: "I consider a turning point as that moment in which we make a conscious decision to expand or contract. We only get to be a victim once, and after that we're a volunteer."

So I'm often asked "How am I suppose to choose anything better? I have these kids to take care of on my own, I have no skills, etc..." I tell them first that if they continue to argue for their limitations, they get to keep them. The answer is first to choose something better. Stop making excuses. If you don't have a job or a way to take care of your children while you work, you will need to start looking for ways to earn a living from home or find an organization dedicated to helping young mothers that want to change their lives. The other obvious thing is to stop having children. This isn't the time to bring more babies into your life.

Young women often become pregnant not because they are unaware of the risks of unprotected sex, but the opposite. They think this loser is going to take care of them. I refer you to my previous post.

Take a trip to the local library. If you have children, take them to the children's area for some reading and puzzles etc. Jump on the computer there and search for organizations helping young people with the challenges you face.

Learn some skills. Read up while you are there. What really trips your trigger? What interests did you have before you felt out of control? Start with an idea, then let it grow. It will likely change many times before you land on something that you are truly called to.

Stay away from influences in your life that seem too good to be true. Stay away from friends that use drugs. Stay away from boys and sex. Clean yourself up. Clean your space up. Prove to yourself that you deserve good things. Don't go out and spend a bunch of money, just look around you. Does what you see belong in your new life?

Pick a role model. Someone you admire. Someone you respect. Stay away from the hot models, the rock stars with floss for clothes, and anyone who uses drugs. Pick someone who speaks clearly without using slang. Someone who dresses professionally or modestly. Someone with stated goals.

Now, compare your room/apartment with where your role model lives. Would you feel comfortable inviting that person to your space? If not, clean it up. How are you dressed? Would they wear what you are wearing? If not, change your clothes. For tips on shopping at thrift stores to save money and look fantastic, see my next blog.

Take control now. Make a choice to give up your habit of being a victim. Don't allow anything to happen "to" you anymore. Nothing can without your permission.

Be Well and Make a Great Life.
Heather Olson