Is Happiness What You Expect?

Hello Everyone. Happy Easter and Spring Solstice to you.

Today I have a guest writer. George Abney is one of our blog readers and he offers his thoughts here.

George, thank you so much for your thoughts and your willingness to share them with us.

Heather Olson
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Is Happiness What You Expect?

Expect little or nothing and you get... nothing. Expect everything or a lot and you get... it , maybe. An old jewish rube is "betta some than none." Some agree that happiness in any quanity is worth crowing about.

What is it that qualifies happiness?

Qualifications are the proof in the pudding that its really pudding instead of a mudpie. Often, people flail against circumstances that contain requirements at odds with the expectation of happiness.

For example, the romantic girl of any age who compulsively spends every dime on another gothic romance identical to the thousand she has already read but for the names of the characters and the clothing they may wear is happy every time she buys another gothic clone.

Happiness for this logo-lover rests between the covers of a book fully entrenched in a fantasy world that rarely takes the substance of a healthy diet, exercise and rapid therapy at a community mental health clinic. Another example of a distorted expectation of happiness is the lust of a father who dotes on his children as the means of securing yet another sports trophy in the home grove of idols.

This kind of person murders family relationships by using people for personal egoism and he uses love and approval as the hold-out in the emotional hold-up. Beware of the loving individual most willing to make you a sacrifice to their god.

Expectations are important. Reading and writing are also important. Its important to know that rational thinking is a SKILL no one is born with. It takes honesty and a tolerance for humility to engage the self discipline by which one learns constructive reasoning. Lots of dialog with other intelligent people is a start... along with the ability to endure the give and take in the exchange of opposing ideas and viewpoints.

A good argument is one that leaves everyone with something more than what they started with after the papers settle and the physical energy abates. The balance between feeling and thought compels growth in the person who wants to KNOW EXACTLY what to expect of happiness in the contest of life. Its just not the same for everyone and there is a specific reason WHY. Understanding the "Why" can enable a person as a coach of others in their quest for happiness. The Apostle Paul made the

remark that... "I have known both riches and poverty, but in all things I have learned to be content. Godliness with contentment is great gain."

If your life seems a little on the shy side of happiness, perhaps you need to consider the details in your expectations. Adjustments in these metrics can give you the power to move beyond the limitations you face toward a QUALITY lifestyle produced by deliberate choice and specific actions.

I like the radio program "Prairie Home Companion" that hales from Minnesota. The sign off remark of the host is ... "Be well. Do good work. Be happy." Happiness really is a choice.

Don't live life waiting on someone else to give it to you. Go get it for yourself. You are worth it.

George Abney

Put First Things First

Wow, and to think I planned to do this every couple of days! Guess it's a bit more than I thought.

I'm 42 years old and still faced daily with time management issues. I was raised with a mother that was born with that special gene. You know, the one that when you look at something it runs into it's place. The one that makes all organization look easy and even automatic. Her home is always clean, her laundry always under control. Dishes always done and all seemingly effortless. I still wonder how I was born without the actual gene, but with the desire for all things to be "just so".

Simple systems make managing anything easier. Time management systems are available on every bookstore shelf. I've tested several. I've purchased several.

Systems are worthless unless you use them. Mom washed underwear on Mondays, sheets on Tuesdays, etc. That system kept the laundry under control. I've tried that system and when I do it, it works. When I don't, it doesn't. Weird...

Well, I put some time into creating a time management system that meant something. I've seen several that meant something to me. I needed something that meant something to young women, to me, to my kids, to anyone. It had to be easy to use. I looked at many. Some worked for me, but not for others that I asked.

I took the best parts of each of them and put them together. The system is included in the book that's coming out this summer.

The point is to determine what is most important to you. Set meaningful goals for that outcome and schedule them first.

What tends to happen in our daily lives is we push aside the most important parts and schedule trivial tasks first. Eventually the most valued people in our lives begin to feel pushed away and reasonably so. The most important relationships become fragile and often broken.

Time with our children, spouses, parents, friends all of the biggies, get set aside to work a few more hours to pay for the big car or big house or extra cell phone lines.

What it all comes down to is bad habits. We are in the habit of believing that the house/car/etc are what's important. We don't value experiences anymore, we value stuff. We don't play games at the table after dinner, we watch cable. Can you imagine life without your TV?

Erik and I have been talking about turning off the cable. Ouch. I can come up with some really great excuses. All of them good ones, but none of them are good enough. None of them are more important than the precious time with our kids and each other. Sure the kids will be mad. But that will fade. If we force ourselves to address what's really important to us, we'll achieve what we are set out to achieve. Put First Things First.

If a strong relationship with my 10 yr old is important to me (and it is) then he must feel that he can talk to me now. If he has to wait until the commercial, then what happens when he needs to talk to me about drugs or sex or any of a number of things I haven't even thought of yet?

We are going to turn off our TVs and turn on our family. It's a start. A good start.

God Bless.

Heather Olson